Just Another Brick in the Wall of Crypto Hype?
So, Stripe's diving deeper into the blockchain game, huh? Big whoop. Tempo, their payments-focused blockchain pet project, just led a $25 million funding round for Commonware. Let's be real, does anyone actually understand what Commonware even does? "Develops open-source code to allow others to launch their own blockchains," they say. Right. Sounds like another way to fleece investors while adding noise to the already deafening crypto echo chamber.
Tempo's already throwing money around like they're printing it themselves. They bought some other crypto startup called Ithaca, poached some Ethereum brainiac, and ballooned their headcount from five people to, allegedly, 40 or 50. For what? To "process blockchain payments more quickly"? Like that's the magic bullet that's gonna make everyone suddenly embrace crypto? Please.
And the design partners? OpenAI, Anthropic, Shopify? What does that even mean? Are they actually using this stuff, or is it just another marketing stunt to make Tempo look legit? Reminds me of my neighbor who puts up Christmas lights in July to impress people...you can "blockchain meaning" all you want, it doesn't change the fact that the emperor has no clothes.
The Emperor's New Blockchain
O’Grady, the Commonware founder, wouldn’t spill the beans on the valuation after this Tempo-led cash injection, but he did say it was a “significant increase” over the $63 million seed round. Of course he did. What else is he gonna say? "Yeah, we're still overvalued garbage, but hey, at least we got more cash to burn!" Give me a break.
He also said, “Usage and distribution is way more important than money as a startup.” Okay, I’ll bite. If that’s true, why take the money from Tempo? Why not focus on, you know, actually getting people to use your blockchain platform? Oh wait, that requires actual work and delivering a useful product...easier to just ride the coattails of Stripe's reputation, I guess. And let's not forget, Commonware only has seven employees. Seven! And they're profitable? Color me skeptical. I've seen more productive teams at a Chuck E. Cheese offcourse.
Is This Even About Blockchain?
The whole thing feels like Stripe is just trying to stay relevant, throwing money at anything that smells vaguely like "the future." They got their pockets lined by Thrive Capital, Greenoaks, Sequoia, and Ribbit Capital...the usual suspects. Half a billion dollars at a $5 billion valuation. It's Monopoly money at this point. According to a recent report, Stripe-backed blockchain startup Tempo leads $25 million raise for crypto infrastructure firm Commonware.
O’Grady even said, "We think that they’re going to do just as good of a job, or better, showing off what Commonware can do than what we can do.” Wait a minute...so the founder of the company is admitting that someone else can market his product better than he can? What are we even doing here? This isn't about "what is blockchain technology"; it's about financial engineering, plain and simple.
Then again, maybe I'm just a grumpy old cynic who doesn't understand the bleeding edge of "web3" and "blockchain capital". Maybe this is all gonna revolutionize global finance and usher in a new era of decentralized utopia. Nah, I doubt it.
